I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
