I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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