what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
