he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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