There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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