I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i love accidental penises.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
