shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
