ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
