I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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