morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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