Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
