he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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