I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
