I didn't shave. On purpose
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
