if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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