here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
