I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize