Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
