we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize