Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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