Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk is not a location!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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