u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
