apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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