oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love you. Go after that dick
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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