sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
