roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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