It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
