I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
