Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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