So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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