Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
