She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
