If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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