SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
