Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
