It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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