Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
