I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
