Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
