it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
