He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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