i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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