I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
