Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
