There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
