i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
