i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
