You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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