Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
