Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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