May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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