the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
