I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
