I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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