I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
