It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
