Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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