No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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