Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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