You're my little dorito
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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