apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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