he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
